English: Photograph of the skyline of Downtown...

English: Photograph of the skyline of Downtown Houston, Texas Español: Una foto del panorama urbano de Downtown Houston Category:Images of Houston, Texas (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I seem to be getting mentally stronger, more prepared and more confident. I know what I have to do, I know what is wrong in this aspect of my life, I just have to keep working.

I am still unsure why I am having such a problem getting a job, I am still being a bit picky because I want some place that I can have a career, I don’t just want a job. I’ve had jobs all my life, I went back to school for a career, and I know that I can do a good job. Everyday I feel like I am letting time pass me by. I would really like to make things happen faster, but they just aren’t and sometimes the impatient part of me causes me to stress out! I am, however, getting less picky all the time. I have stopped looking at just certain job titles, and have even decided that if I can figure out how to come up with the money I am extremely willing to move for a job. I can not however bring myself to move somewhere cold yet, or Texas or California.

I am not helping myself by stressing out over Ty. I feel like I have done that poor kid wrong and that I should have considered a move a long time ago. His social skills are just not good and we live in this “bass ackwards” place that doesn’t have anything for a person or kid to do if you don’t have a friend’s house to go to. Driving to the closest town in our county won’t do any good because theirs nothing there either, and driving to Clarksville is hard to do when I don’t even have gas money.

I’m crying for my little boy right now and trying to figure out how to help him and where in this “backwoods bubba” place I can find what I need to help him. I can’t regret the things that brought me here because what I’ve gained will forever be in my heart and life, but right now I can’t help but wonder what the hell I was thinking!


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