Who Am I? part 3…

Travel Guides

Travel Guides (Photo credit: Vanessa (EY))

Lately I have been more and more restless. Living out in the sticks, having to make every trip into “town” an adventure like we still live back in the old west and have to load up and take the wagon in to do some tradin’ (say that without adding that fake deep southern drawl, come on I dare you try it!). I have reached a point where I want to invite friends over for a cook out and games and laughter, but Dick just gets all surly and hateful to everyone so no one wants to be around him. I want to eat healthier and get much healthier but I have to argue with Dick over everything because it’s almost impossible to get him to try something new.

I want to get out and see the world not sit here in this shit hole never talking to the neighbors, I want to watch television that makes me think not completely childish stuff that relies on things like farts for its jokes. I want to sit in the park and watch a movie with strangers while Ty plays a game with other teenagers not sit out here in the middle of nowhere ignoring the neighbors. I want to feel good about myself and enjoy the company of others.

More than anything I want to be around people who lift me up and don’t discount my feelings or thoughts or ideas. I want to be around people who laugh with me, not at me. I want to be around people who will compliment me once in a while instead of thinking I should be impressed by the number of times, how long, how loud or how stinky their farts are.

Who am I? I’m that scared little girl in the corner who has always been put down, humiliated, and broken. I’m that scared little girl who has always looked to someone else to make me feel better about myself. I am that person who is working hard to become the person that I feel inside me, but it’s hard work and takes time. Between now and then I am the person who is going to cuss and scream and whine and cry and kick and bitch and moan, but every time I do will hopefully be one step closer to my goal!

I don’t know for sure how I’m going to do it. I have bad credit, no money and I’ve never been completely on my own, especially not with my baby (Ty), but I am trying.

And that is Who I Am. Who are you?

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