Angry

Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions

Robert Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We all get angry at some point. I think the trick is knowing why you are angry and dealing with it accordingly. But what if you can not figure out how to deal with it? Actually that doesn’t feel quite accurate for me either.

You see I am angry and it’s taken me a few days to really start figuring out why I’m angry. Dick (my new name for J.R.) got laid off on Thursday, which sucks big time!! The thing is that he has a job he could go to that isn’t great, and would not likely be full-time but it would at least keep some income coming in, but he won’t go talk to the guy. I can understand that he doesn’t want to go back to driving a truck in that horrible traffic, but I put my trust in him to support this family and he’s not doing it. His ideas so far have been to completely screw up his days and nights so that he is once again sleeping all day and up all night (I don’t know about you but I don’t know any laborer jobs that accept applications at night), to sell the ragged ass vehicles he has piled up all around the county (the only good thing about that is there are a lot of idiots around here, so at least there will be fewer vehicles that belong to him piled up between everyone’s yards, yes our house is not that only place he piles up junk), and to just generally be a dick.

At first I thought that I was just pissed because he wasn’t doing anything to find another job, but I have come to realize that the biggest part of my anger comes from the fact that I have stuck myself in this position. I trusted him to support us and he is failing, but I knew it would happen. So yes, I think I am just as, if not more, angry with myself. I have been trying to find a job, but at the same time really hoping that Dick would do something different, yeah love can make you do stupid things. But I don’t like him so why have I kept doing this? Two reasons: fear and Ty. I don’t know why I can’t find a job, I have applied for just about everything under the sun not counting being a waitress, cook or manufacturing line person again. I don’t see the point in applying for something that I know I’ll be fired from in my first 30 days. I’ve been a waitress and a cook and I know how bad I am at it!

I have not wanted to pay rent somewhere, and hell these days it’s always easier to have two people bringing money in, but (and this means keeping my strength up and following through) I am done. I am done trusting him to care about us, to support us or to treat me like anything other than his piece of trash. I am better than this.

Of course, I still have to figure out how to not become homeless between now and having a job and a place to live!

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Kai
    May 06, 2012 @ 17:10:32

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. Good luck. I find that the hardest thing is setting your mind to something. Then everything else follows.

    Reply

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