So much on my mind

Warning: this may be honest to a fault.

Self-Esteem for sale

Self-Esteem for sale (Photo credit: fran6co)

I have so much on my mind lately, which is why I am once again behind on posting any blogs. I have myself stressed out and running on confusion it seems. Thoughts about jobs/work/career, my health, my family and where I live just keep bouncing around in my head and I can’t see to find a good answer to any of it. It all seems bad now and honestly just feels like I’m stuck and never going to get anywhere.

My self-esteem and confidence are about as low as they can be, but I know in my mind that I’m better than that. It doesn’t change the fact that they are low though so my motivation is just tanked too. I keep thinking that I have to get my motivation and think positive so that I can start turning it all around, but it’s like a never-ending cycle. Seriously I just want to call my momma, and while I can talk to her all day long I have to look for her answer in the stars because I lost her several years ago. I had a doctor’s appointment in the last couple of weeks and found out that my vitamin’s B and D were tanked so I have no choice but to take a multi-vitamin and extra B and D everyday. My sugar was a little high; and with a family history of diabetes on both sides that could become a problem. My cholesterol was also incredibly high again. Most of this doesn’t really make sense to me because I’ve been eating healthier, drinking more water and less soda, and trying to exercise more. I know I need to lose weight because I’m an ugly fata$$, and I’ve been trying. I went back on my diet pill for now so hopefully I can get the weight thing jump started. I really hope to be able to afford to get it again next month, but right now I don’t know since I can’t seem to find a job. I still don’t have my CPAP machine because my insurance company has to pre-approve it and apparently they are taking their sweet time, guess I should be glad I don’t have a life threatening disease. I know that I am being somewhat picky about a job but I want to actually see my child since I raise him as a single mother. Plus he just started participating in track which will be really good for him with his ADHD and if I can’t take him to his practices he won’t be able to continue. At the same time I really want a job because I need to stop stressing about money and paying my bills and purchasing the things I need for Ty and myself. I just don’t think I know how to deal right now, I don’t understand why it seems like I am so unlucky.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. A Woman and Her Pen!
    Mar 10, 2012 @ 18:44:00

    Im praying for you….be encouraged and realize that you are MUCH stronger than what you are going through.

    Via insurance, family, looking for a job…..whew I understand because I have been there and I thought I was a walking corpse at times….and it seems when I was at my verrrrrry weakest that things finally started to look uo and I just cried and thanked GOD for rescuing me out of my misery.

    I am here to chat if you ever desire to…

    Gid bless you


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