Pity Party?

Cartoon of a redneck hillbilly.

Image via Wikipedia

Sounds like this is a completely negative post doesn’t it? Well I hope it’s not! I had an epiphany the other night I guess. I realized that I have been so down and upset is because I feel like I’m stuck in redneck hell, and that I am not confident enough to believe that I can get myself out of here. I plan on trying though, I don’t know how it will go, I don’t know if I’ll succeed, but I can’t just not try. I wish I could put my finger on how long I have felt like this, but I can’t. I do know that for the last year or so the television shows that J. watches get on my nerves more and more. In the last year or so extremely crude humor has irritated me to the ends of the earth. I don’t care about farts, or thinly veiled incest humor on cartoons. I still like to go off-roading, and to ride all over the place on the 4-wheeler. I’m just tired of living in the middle of nowhere, in a place where there is no chance of improving (and the person to be better than is the local lawyer who only lives in the area to be better than someone), and to go to any place interesting you have to drive at least an hour.

I want to be out of this too small trailer on the side of a hill, and somewhere that I can have a porch and a yard (even if it’s not a huge one). I want the man I’m with to have some ambition, and want to look good, and want to spoil me sometimes. I want to be treated like a human and do work that I will enjoy.

Most of all I want to stop feeling sorry for myself and start doing something about it. You see I think that is a problem with people today. We feel sorry for ourselves, we give up, end of the story. But does it have to be that way, well no of course not. It just means you have to push yourself to do something even when you don’t want to do it.

I am working hard at losing the 50 pounds I want to lose, including participating in a 5k in February. I am going to try to find an affordable dentist so I can get my teeth fixed and feel more confident about that. And I am finally spending some time doing things for myself instead of others. I am learning to be selfish instead of give all of myself to doing for everyone else. I have always put myself last, and it’s about time that I start putting me first once in a while. Now if only I could get J. to stop being a thoughtless, lazy hillbilly I wouldn’t have to worry about my heart either; but a heart will heal with time being miserable should be considered a temporary disability.


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