Get Your Butt in Gear

A downtown Jacksonville free Trolley-like bus.

Image via Wikipedia

That’s what I keep telling myself anyway. There are so many things I want to do and learn, and I keep trying to do it all at the same time. It never quite works and I always wonder why. Of course I know why, but that doesn’t change how I try to do things. I always want to do everything, I just have to learn how to do things one at a time. The problem is that I can never put things in a list from what’s most important to least important. Prioritizing things is just not my strong suit, because I think it’s all important if I want to learn it! I’ve been through six years of college, Army basic training and A.I.T. where I learned to drive an 18-wheeler, I keep learning a little more and any culture that I can, and many religions, and I also continue to improve my knowledge of vehicles and hockey. Add to that the adult child of alcoholic books and you would wonder how I make time for it all. Sometimes I wonder how I manage to fit so much into my head and then I remember that I don’t always do so well on the remembering, or the time management.

As much as I love learning and going to school I am so ready to be done. No I don’t really want to have to live by the hours somebody else sets, but I am looking forward to working instead of working, going to school, doing homework and taking care of the family. I’m in that feeling overwhelmed mode, luckily I can enjoy hockey games with some great friends I’ve been making and leave J. at home. Yes I am still having issues with J. He has no ambition, and he’s a self-centered jerk most of the time. I still love him very much, and when he’s deciding to do something nice he’s extremely nice. The problem is usually he’s pretending to be nice because really what he wants is for me to do something that he thinks I should do and I’m refusing to do. He’s been getting mad about me going to Predator games, I think it’s because he knows that the more I do without him the more free I become. If I’m not relying on him then I can break away; at least that’s how I think he sees it. I think he may actually love me, but he will not try to improve himself and I can’t deal with that. I feel like I’ve outgrown him; I’ve finally matured and he’s still sitting on the playground. I lost the physical attraction ages ago; though I may have to finally break down and put a picture of some physically attractive guy on the ceiling of my room. Sorry, but when you’re going through the motions that is one of them.

I am still working on my lit review for my research paper, it’s going well just slowly because I still have so little confidence in myself. I’m getting better about not putting myself down though. It’s helped that I’ve started making new friends, and they actually seem to like me. I’ve spent so many years believing that I was such a bad person that I didn’t think I could have more than a few friends, but I don’t think that’s true! I still have my BFF who I would not give up for the world, but it’s nice to know that other people like me too!

Speaking of my BFF, we have changed our trip plans from Ireland and the UK to a Caribbean cruise. I am just as excited, and it will be so less stressful! It looks like we will fly to Jacksonville on May 6th and jump on the boat on the 7th! I’m planning staying a few days in the area after we get back. It’s going to be awesome!

I’m also trying to talk my brother into driving down and going to a hockey game with me sometime, that will also be awesome. and on that note I have to stop typing so I can work on the list I have to get done before I leave for what we all like to call “Smashville”! See you at the ice!


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jen
    Dec 28, 2010 @ 13:09:46

    You are so likable!! Never, ever think you’re a bad person!! ❤


  2. April Mc
    Dec 28, 2010 @ 13:43:49

    Thanks Jen! I appreciate that!


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