Looking back into the past, and ahead into the future

I never managed to motivate myself yesterday to get off the couch and exercise. However, I did manage to not eat all day like I had been. Today is looking to be a nice day so far, yes it stormed this morning but we really needed the rain, and hopefully it will continue to keep things cooled off for a few days!

I’ve been sitting here looking back at high school memories, and people I knew during high school, on Facebook. It’s a little weird to do so because it makes me remember that in reality I am really the black sheep from that time of my life. There are very few of them that I am really friends with, and it’s my fault because I never stayed in touch or close to many of them. Yet even with those I consider family I am really the odd one out, again my fault. In my desire to get away from my childhood I also left behind everyone I actually cared about. Where others can stay in the area I grew up in and get past any problems they had, I had to get away. Yet I didn’t just leave behind the problems I felt I had, I left almost everyone, and I very seldom go back or call. I see the mistakes I have made the last 16 years, the question is this: when does it become to late to change those mistakes?

I don’t know the answer to that question, and I’m not going to try to find that answer. What I am going to do is continue to improve my health so that I do not become the selfish bitch that I once was, and work on my future. I can not change the past, and perhaps it is too late to change some things, but without trying I will not know. And if some bridges have been burnt instead of just damaged well then I have to come to terms with that and move on. I wonder how many people from my high school even remember me? I am doubtful that many of them do; I never did anything memorable – I wasn’t big in sports, I wasn’t good friends with anyone past a few people (and hell some of those still can’t stand me).

I’m not upset really that there are so many that do not care to talk to me, but I’m sad that I put myself in the position to feel so left out from high school acquaintances. Here’s to a living a different future than I have lived in the past.


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